Why I was born? And who I am? I didn't choose born. They didn't ask me if I wanted to born this way, in this country, in this planet. All would be more easier if I hadn't born... sometimes I think about non-existence. And I feel very quite... and nostalgic. Afterwards, I start to wish it. Imagine you hadn't ever existed. That's a thought I have ever had since I was a child. Really, I wasn't normal, I think. I explain it now, and people stare at me strangely. They say to me it's not normal that a child thinks about death and non-existence all the time. But I did. I liked loneliness because it let me think without problems about the world, people, life, death...
And I still being the same. However, if a child who doesn't have to get worry about anything thinks about all these problems... imagine a teenager. Society, the world,... are over me and I can't do anything. I don't know who I want to be in my life!!!!! I don't know what I want to do, where I want to go!!! And I haven't had time to discover myself. First, I was in school and I didn't think calmly about my future. In the highschool I started, but I found myself in 4th ESO and I wasn't sure about who I wanted to be in my life. Afterwards, I found myself in Batxillerat and I'm living a stressed and miserable life. I don't know why I'm studying these subjects. I don't know what I'm doing with my life and I don't know what I want to do next year. And exam behind exam, projects, "selectivitat",... I don't have time to find myself! To find what I want to be!
I don't know which is my element. I mean... Everyone is good in something. There are a lot of artists, writers, scientists... who are brilliant in some kind of thing. But I don't know if I am really good in something... because I didn't find it yet and it makes me so sad. Right now I'm living a stressed life. I have never got splendid marks, and now I have to fight for really good marks to enter to college.. and I still not know what I really want to do in my life, what I want to study. Because I don't know if I will be good in Audiovisual Communication. In fact, I don't even know I will be able to enter. Actually, I have lived a depression during first and second term. I tried my best to study, because I need really good marks... But it was impossible, I couldn't concentrate... Now I'm getting better marks, but it's too late.
Had never been born. In summary, I love this idea. Despite of I'm late.
That's what I am in the world. Only a person.
Incredible Reflection.
ResponEliminaI read it all, and I think that it's so good written, and it's interesting.
In my life, I've also been an non understood one... I really believe that we, this kind of people, that are not like all the others, that we're are different, and think so. We're the ones that we may find a good job, we might not, but that it's not so important. We also can kill our difficulties, and fly away. Probably, we won't be perfect students in school, but we're, for sure, the ones that will support the world, because most of the people really doesn't care of anything, they only... live.
And you say: "OK, I also only want to live."
But I really believe that we're the strong ones, that will have very good, and very hard experiences, and think that it's the best life one can have: incredible experiences, but dangerous... unkind sometimes.
But, anyway, don't worry about your future, and you know why? I've thought so much about it, and my conclusion was that all I had was... FEAR. But... of what? Of the world and the fact that I couldn't control my life 120%. Life is growing up, and my final conclusion was that I never have to worry about things I can't control, or the past. Only... do what you can, the best, for now to future.
Hope it has helped. :)
Paula.
hi, Natàlia!
ResponEliminayou are on your way to find out your talent. You have a great passion and you have just begun to unveil it with your awesome short Homage to Tim Burton. Yet do you think Picasso, Nietzsche orTim Burton himself knew the extent of their talent at 18? it takes work, perspiration and inspiration as they say to discover your inner strengths... You are on your way, fighting hard for it and that's the first and essential step.
Lots of luck and work. We believe in you!! :)))